


and I ache.

by evanescentmuse



Series: A Life in Your Shape [1]
Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Loves Jaskier | Dandelion, Idiots in Love, Inspired by a Mitski Song, Jaskier | Dandelion Loves Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Not Beta Read, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Songfic, Title from a Mitski Song
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:49:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28127154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evanescentmuse/pseuds/evanescentmuse
Summary: After Jaskier watches Geralt nearly die for what feels like the hundredth time he realizes he needs to confess before it might be too late.orJaskier fights with himself on whether or not to confess to Geralt. After all there’s no way he’d feel the same, right?
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Series: A Life in Your Shape [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2060559
Comments: 3
Kudos: 33





	and I ache.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello dear reader! It has been an embarrassingly long amount of time since I’ve written anything outside of college so please bear with me. I am thoroughly falling in love with this series so I plan to write more once I get back into the swing of things! I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think in the comments and if you want me to continue! Feel free to come yell at me about it on tumblr too! 
> 
> [evanescentmuse](https://evanescentmuse.tumblr.com/)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> of blizzards and honeyed wine

Jaskier knew what he was getting himself into.

Well.

Mostly anyways.

He’d followed Geralt, quite literally, to the ends of the earth. He had seen Geralt tossed around like a rag doll more times than he’d like to count. Plenty of the things he saw threatened to scare the life out of him but it was worth it. It was worth worrying about Geralt because when it was over he got to be the one to care for the stubborn old man. No one else in this whole godforsaken world got to see Geralt of Rivia, The Butcher of Blaviken, The White  _ Fucking _ Wolf, be soft.

No one but him got to hear Geralt release a sigh of relief when Jaskier worked out a particularly painful knot in his back. No one else got to watch that near constantly knitted brow ease of all tension when sliding into a hot bath. A bath that Geralt always halfheartedly “complained” under his breath was far too  _ fancy _ or  _ flowery _ for a witcher whilst already halfway in it. No one else got to see that side of him, so it was worth it.

Or, at least until it wasn’t.

When he first started noticing his feelings towards Geralt he’d hoped they were like any other temporary infatuation he’d experienced.  However days went on, and then weeks, and then months, and then _years_ and then before he knew it Jaskier was watching Geralt fight yet  another creature that was trying it’s hardest to reduce his witcher to mincemeat. It was a rather intimidating Archgriffin that finally set off a spiraling cacophony of thoughts in Jaskier’s mind. What if he had to spend the rest of his existence knowing Geralt was gone? What if he was killed and Jaskier never got to tell him how much he’d meant to him? Did he know how grateful Jaskier was for the flood of musical inspiration he hadn’t felt in years that Geralt unwittingly gave him every day? Those thoughts terrified him. 

They terrified him so much he couldn’t quiet them enough to sleep well anymore. He knew he had to tell Geralt. He just couldn’t, for the life of him, figure out how. It didn’t help that Geralt was one of the hardest people to read that Jaskier had ever met. He, on the other hand, was apparently an open book.

“Jaskier.” Geralt sighed raising an eyebrow.

Jaskier jumped slightly, clutching a flagon of mead he’d been nursing for nearly an hour.

> “Hm?”
> 
> “You have that look again.”
> 
> “What look?”
> 
> “Somethings troubling you.”

“Oh, I’m fi—”  Jaskier hastily tried to respond with a rather forced smile but was interrupted by Geralt, 

“I don’t like being lied to, bard. I can smell the worry on you.” he said with a slight wrinkling of his nose.

Oh.  He’d forgotten about that slightly ridiculous advantage Geralt had on him at all times. Jaskier chuckled dryly and fixed his gaze on the small fire place in the corner. The modest inn room’s walls moaned against the blizzard outside. 

“Hm. You’d think I’d remember that after all this time. I think it’s a little unfair, really. How am I supposed to  tell what you’re thinking?” 

Jaskier smirked and crossed his legs, trying to steer the conversation to another topic while he thought of a good excuse. He was beginning to run out of them.  Geralt gave a small smile in return, pulling out a chair for himself. Once he had sat down he began to elaborate further as he poured himself another drink, 

“These past few weeks you’ve seemed more preoccupied than usual. And more tired. I can’t have you slowing me down on my hunts, now can I?” he smiled before taking a sip and peering over his pint at Jaskier, “So, tell me. What’s on your mind?”

Jaskier took a deep breath and an even deeper gulp of wine. Normally, the witcher left these kinds of things alone. However, the presence of alcohol and a lack of any monsters to kill apparently changed that.

Jaskier sighed.

He didn’t want to lose Geralt. After all, how would he react? Would he laugh? Would he be disgusted? Would he have to spend the duration of the storm alone? Would Geralt slip away without him once it cleared? Were any of those options better than continuing to lie to him? 

Before he could start drunkenly spiraling into anymore self loathing thoughts Jaskier spoke, “There’s... Someone.” “Hm.” Geralt grunted in response, waiting for the other man to explain.

“I’m uh.” Jaskier looked down at his mess of papers on the desk before him. 

“I’m writing something for them to tell them how I feel but I’m not sure how they’ll take it.” Jaskier could feel his pulse start to quicken. At least this way he wasn’t exactly lying, was he?

“Alright then, let’s hear it.” Geralt said before finishing his drink and reclining slightly in his chair. Jaskier laughed nervously while shuffling through his papers until he found one that suited his half truth. Jaskier squashed down the rising panic he felt as he realized most of the songs he had been writing lately were about Geralt. It would be fine if they were just singing the other man’s praises of his well fought battles but most of them weren’t. Most of them were obviously romantic. Jaskier always kept the descriptions of his muse rather vague and filled in some random placeholder name when needed, though. 

“Well, if you insist!” Jaskier spoke, feigning excitement, “Just make sure you’re honest! Don’t hold back for my sake.”

 _ as if you’ve ever had that problem before,  _ Jaskier thought quickly reaching for his lute.

The song was soft and bittersweet. 

_ I love everybody  _

_ because I love you  _

_ I don’t need the city, and I _

_ don’t need proof _

As he sang quietly he tried to keep a close eye on Geralt’s reactions. 

_ all I need, darling _

_ is a life in your shape _

_ I picture it, soft _

_ and I ache _

Geralt gave a half smile occasionally, flicking his eyes between Jaskier’s face and his hands as he sang. 

_ Look at you, strawberry blond _

_ Fields rolling on _

_ I love it when you call my name _

_ Can you hear the bumblebees swarm? _

_ Watching your arm _

_ I love it when you look my way ... _

When he was done he sat down his lute and took a deep breath,

“So?”

“Hm.” Geralt hummed in response.

“It was good. As always. I’m sure whoever she is she’ll like it.”

If Jaskier was overly optimistic he might have thought he saw Geralt’s stoic face flash with a bit of disappointment. 

Jaskier’s heart sank to his stomach but he quickly smiled and gave an overdramatic bow. 

“Thank you! I do hope you’re right.” he spoke as casually as he could, tidying his belongings slightly.

“I think it is high time I get my much needed beauty sleep!” he said, standing up and feeling a little dizzy but pleasantly numb to any lingering sadness that normally couldn’t be pushed down when in the cold waters of sobriety.

“Hm. Good night, Lark.” Geralt muttered groggily. It wasn’t the first time Geralt called him that but it still sent blood rushing places he’d prefer it not to.

The bed in their room was thankfully large and could fit both of them with minimal contact. Jaskier still found it hard to ignore the warmth from the other man. He feigned slumber until he was mostly certain Geralt was asleep before turning over to face him. His heart clenched in his ribs at the sight of Geralt’s uncharacteristically relaxed expression. He hoped he at least wouldn’t dream of Geralt again tonight. 

Something told him he wouldn’t be so lucky.


End file.
